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Who Else But Coke Could Have Figured Out the Obesity Problem?

The chairs did it. It makes such perfect sense, but it has been so hard to see. We are all suddenly sitting too much because chairs are everywhere. And it's obviously some sort of chair conspiracy to make us fat.

So, stay safe and have a Coke, but for God's sake don't sit down. Because if you do, that chair you're in will probably magically grow your butt. Chairs have been commonplace since the 1500s so this ability to make us rotund must be a recent development in the chair arsenal. Chairs are so sneaky! For over five hundred years the chair has silently waited for the perfect time to strike. Luring us in with new variations. The couch. The La-Z-boy. The Love-seat. And the dreaded Chair-and-half. We lived in harmony for half of a millenium. No obesity epidemic in site. But the chairs were patient in their plan to make us round.

When our diets became swollen with processed sugars the chairs knew the time was right. They could make us fat and everybody would blame totally innocent things like sugary drinks just because they were contributing the largest portion of calories to the average American diet. It was genius on the part of the chairs. But, unfortunately, for those sinister stools, sofas and thrones, the super-sleuths at Coke sniffed out their diabolical plan and cast the unflinching light of truth on it for all the world to see. This recent Coke documentary is an important piece of film-making that anybody who cares about real answers to health needs to see. 

In all seriousness, as I sit here I have a great idea for a chair. Coke should take a seat. Take a seat on the whole obesity issue and let society work it out without the corporate meddling and confusion. They are understanably incapable of having an unbiased opinion so they should stop standing up for the overconsumption of sugar. Dear Coke, sit this one out. 


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Reader Comments (5)

coke vs. chairs. you choose :)

March 28, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJessica Lee

and if we stand on the chair....we conquer them even more. wtf....

March 30, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterbagni
March 31, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAndres C.

Life is but a dream. Change the dream! ;)


Blessings~

March 31, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterIN-B-TWEEN

Fight obesity, have a coke. Ha! This can't be serious...

April 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPedro Borelli

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